Love is a gift, even if it is not reciprocated.

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So often people feel hurt because someone doesn’t share what they feel… It doesn’t change your experience just because they aren’t in the same place. It doesn’t make your love less, if you love someone and they don’t love you back. Or, they don’t love you the same way. It doesn’t make the experience not real, or a lie, or a waste of time, or any different. Love is a gift, even if it is not reciprocated. Everything you experience is through your reality, your past, your filter. Somehow we believe if someone else shares it, exactly the same way, it will validate it. It is not true. Ideally we all yearn for someone to share our “whole” selves with, someone who can see what we see, but maybe that’s never going to happen (at least the way we yearn for). I am not so sure it’s possible, or is supposed to be possible. We each have a unique signature field of how we experience life, and not one of us is the same. So even though you may be sharing a moment with another, the other person may be having a completely different experience… this does not mean you do not deserve to be loved in the way you desire, it just means enjoy every experience you have, for you, for what it is. Don’t wait for someone to validate it. @ jodihealy.com

 

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Women are tired. That’s why divorce is on the rise.

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No one wants to admit this, but women are tired. That’s why divorce is on the rise. Despite popular belief, it’s not because we wake up one day “and fall out of love” with the person we married. We are tired, tired of being responsible for everything… Now don’t assume this is a male bashing article. It’s not. I am simply trying to shed some light on a silent epidemic. It might even save someone’s marriage.

Now let me start with this, we didn’t ask for the responsibility. We don’t ask for it. We don’t want it all either. And divorce by no means makes it any easier, but it does alleviate the daily tension, compounding resentment, and stress many women experience with the person they once “loved”.

Not one of my friends has ever called me and said, “I really just don’t love him anymore, I want a divorce. I want something “new”. The calls, instead are often, and frequent, and become a build-up of frustration, resentment, loneliness, and anger… and ultimately exhaustion. I don’t use the word complaining on purpose, because it’s a word that isn’t taken seriously. It’s often associated with “nagging”. When instead women just wants a partner to help, support them, understand. They are desperate for it.

And no, I don’t buy the excuse men and women are different, that they think differently. That is the easy way out of the conversation.

When two people get married they sign a contract. A legally binding financial and life contract. In business, this means you will work together, “through sickness and in health” to build a strong and successful business, no matter what, at all costs. Because the stakes are usually so high. Most people invest their life savings into a new venture. And in this venture they work to build a strong and stable future. So why, is marriage any different? Why does marriage fail so often? Why aren’t the two people putting all their effort into building something strong together, that will stand the test of time?

When women started working outside of the home, something changed. Not only were we now expected to work a part or full time job, to be able to contribute financially towards our “contract”, but we also, usually by default are STILL responsible for the house and the children. And somehow the workload of the house and children has NEVER balanced off.

Yes, men will mow the lawn and fix things, but women USUALLY are the ones not only managing the house but the lives of everyone in it, including the spouse, the husband. Because she loves him, and wants to take care of him too. We love to take care of our children, our family.

And we do this naturally. It is our nature to be able to multi-task, keep many unrelated things organized and planned in our heads, so life runs smoothly. You will rarely hear a mother complain about doing these things too.

Generally the mother is the one packing lunches, filling out school forms, making the list or doing the grocery shopping, laundry, picking out school clothes, making sure homework is done, school bags packed with the right shoes for gym, gloves, erasers, cupcakes for parties, birthday RSVP’s, and more. Compound that times the number of children.

The mother is also usually the one managing time, the social life of the family, each appointment and practice, soccer, girl scouts, early dismissals for dentist or doctor appointments, ensure after school care, or stays home when the children are sick, on and on. Not even counting the endless of hours of driving.

The mother is also the emotional barometer of the family. When a child is hurt or in pain they instinctively go to the mother, her hugs and comfort can take anything away. This carries from infancy forward. She is there to answer questions, about everything, to help with the friend who is being mean at school, about a developing body, ailments, or challenges.

And yes, most husbands do “help”. And I know there are exceptions to the rule. I don’t even believe it is intentional. If asked most will take the children to a soccer practice or a doctor appointment, and also can put on a band aid. But that’s not the issue.

The mother is the epicenter in managing a home. She is the one who makes sure the children (and usually the husband too) have their vitamins and prescriptions, or inhaler, hair put up, dresses on picture day, clean jersey or cleats, or water bottles for the game.

This is the exhausting part. There is never a break. Even during sleep our minds wander and we wake up in the middle of the night, worrying, about the specialist we need to make an appointment for.

It is a full time job, on its own.

Now add work, a job outside the home. Another whole focus a woman has to put herself into, where she has to perform. Meetings, deadlines, emails, text messages. These are often done in between homework and making dinner or doing baths. And often the appointments and scheduling for the children are done at work. It is never ending. There is never a MENTAL break.

Now add a husband, also tired from working and doing his part with the family. He comes home and desires intimacy with his wife, and wants to share his day, his stresses. He wants her attention too.

Unfortunately, she has little left to give. She is exhausted.

I don’t know how to change this, I don’t have the answer, but maybe awareness will help.

Women need time, a break. Maybe just needs someone to notice, or hold her and thank her for it all…

Often, the only break a woman gets is when it is time to go to “Daddy’s” house…. And sadly, this is why divorce is on the rise. #divorce #truth #womenaretired #jodihealy @jodihealy.com

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You are “God”

You are part of something great, just being you, being alive. You are part of the infinite energy cycle of life, a fragment of source power, a fragment of God. To not realize this isolates you from the love and power that is intrinsically yours… accessible to you, manifesting not only your physical being but every facet of life. This energy creates and encompasses all things. Is cyclical. You are not only connected to it, you are part of it, and are it. Meditate on this, and you will not only find God, but your truth. @ jodihealy.com

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Never underestimate the wake you leave behind.

Living is like the flow of a river… constantly changing, navigating the terrain through time. Sometimes it is full of heavy rapids with obstacles and debris, sometimes it can barely fit through an inlet forced to slow down or find a new path, sometimes it overflows and invades all the space around it, sometimes it is smooth and calm, sometimes it dries up temporarily… but as it flows it feeds every thing it touches, fueling life, no matter what state it is in. A river creates a wake of beauty in everything it touches. We are the same. Never underestimate the wake you leave behind. @ jodihealy.com

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Feeling out of control is normal.

We all have moments where we feel out of control; angry, sad, ecstatic. And this emotion can rise within us and escalate to hurricane like proportions. This is normal. Emotion is energy. But, being able to express your feelings with the least amount of destruction is emotional maturity… It doesn’t mean you deny your feelings, otherwise they swell inside of you, and if suppressed wreak havoc on your physical health. The energy must have a way to dissipate, just like a hurricane. It must burn itself out. People have different ways of expressing emotional energy; art, sports, writing, talking. Sometimes all ways. It isn’t always clean and neat either. Sometimes there will be collateral damage, like during a hurricane. But, being aware of this and taking responsibility for this is also emotional maturity. If you hurt someone when you are angry, apologize. This teaches everyone that feelings are ok, that they are not always personal even if directed at you, and we can all learn to detach with love and support someone who needs it when they are in a storm. Being human is to experience this beautiful kaleidoscope of energy. Learning how to master it, is the key. @ jodihealy.com

 

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One of the most beautiful moments as a parent I have ever had…

We often forget the wonder of life is not what we imagine, but the love we have that fuels it… Last night I had the often dreaded “Santa” question from my 9 year old. As my daughter awaited in anticipation, as if she was ready to hear the answer to life, I read her that beautiful letter a woman wrote to her daughter explaining there is not just one Santa. She looked at me seriously and said, “What does that mean?” I told her “Santa” is all of us, collectively, continuing a tradition to bring joy to children all around the world. That we each are Santa at one point in our lives. The magic is in us, what we create for others. She was relieved, ecstatic. My daughter giggled as she explained how she figured it out, finding presents in her Daddy’s closet, and was worried her father would be upset if she knew. I told her of course not, so we called him. I brought him into the conversation because despite our divorce he is still a monumental part of this for her. He listened for a while, then asked, “Are you sad?” She said “Why would I be sad?” And the giggling continued.

We hung up and continued a 2 hour conversation. She felt so proud she was now part of the “secret”, the mystery, where she could be “Santa” too. She felt trusted with something important, powerful. She promised not to tell her younger siblings or friends and even talked about how she would act so they would not figure it out. She felt grown up that she could help wrap presents and hide eggs. It was one of the most beautiful moments as a parent I have ever had. She proceeded to unravel out loud all the doubts she had over the years about all the mystical being we filled her childhood with. That sometimes she got more money from the tooth fairy at Mommy’s than Daddy’s and it didn’t make sense. On and on, I witnessed the magic of her childhood unfold and relived. She said, “All those decorations you did”. I said, “Yes, it made me happy to make you happy”. She said Mommy, “It is even more special now that I know it is you”. I cried. How beautiful. We often forget our love is more powerful than anything, and how we show them is the most important part of their lives.

I ended with, “I will always tell you the truth, and you can ask me any question you want.” She said, “Thank you Mommy, I love you so much. Can we talk again tomorrow night?” “Of course”, as if we were a team with the wonder of the world between us. It felt as if we crossed a bridge to a higher level. I am so grateful I can be for her what I always wanted. We both went to sleep with a stronger bond, deeper than life…

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Life is simply like watching a movie…

Life is simply like watching a movie. We chose it. There are good parts and bad. Some parts thrill us. Some parts terrify us. But when it ends we enjoyed the experience, for all it was… We “return” to the present knowing we are safe and grounded, and it all was simply a colorful exciting ride. I envision death will feel the same… @jodihealy.com
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