Women are tired. That’s why divorce is on the rise.

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No one wants to admit this, but women are tired. That’s why divorce is on the rise. Despite popular belief, it’s not because we wake up one day “and fall out of love” with the person we married. We are tired, tired of being responsible for everything… Now don’t assume this is a male bashing article. It’s not. I am simply trying to shed some light on a silent epidemic. It might even save someone’s marriage.

Now let me start with this, we didn’t ask for the responsibility. We don’t ask for it. We don’t want it all either. And divorce by no means makes it any easier, but it does alleviate the daily tension, compounding resentment, and stress many women experience with the person they once “loved”.

Not one of my friends has ever called me and said, “I really just don’t love him anymore, I want a divorce. I want something “new”. The calls, instead are often, and frequent, and become a build-up of frustration, resentment, loneliness, and anger… and ultimately exhaustion. I don’t use the word complaining on purpose, because it’s a word that isn’t taken seriously. It’s often associated with “nagging”. When instead women just wants a partner to help, support them, understand. They are desperate for it.

And no, I don’t buy the excuse men and women are different, that they think differently. That is the easy way out of the conversation.

When two people get married they sign a contract. A legally binding financial and life contract. In business, this means you will work together, “through sickness and in health” to build a strong and successful business, no matter what, at all costs. Because the stakes are usually so high. Most people invest their life savings into a new venture. And in this venture they work to build a strong and stable future. So why, is marriage any different? Why does marriage fail so often? Why aren’t the two people putting all their effort into building something strong together, that will stand the test of time?

When women started working outside of the home, something changed. Not only were we now expected to work a part or full time job, to be able to contribute financially towards our “contract”, but we also, usually by default are STILL responsible for the house and the children. And somehow the workload of the house and children has NEVER balanced off.

Yes, men will mow the lawn and fix things, but women USUALLY are the ones not only managing the house but the lives of everyone in it, including the spouse, the husband. Because she loves him, and wants to take care of him too. We love to take care of our children, our family.

And we do this naturally. It is our nature to be able to multi-task, keep many unrelated things organized and planned in our heads, so life runs smoothly. You will rarely hear a mother complain about doing these things too.

Generally the mother is the one packing lunches, filling out school forms, making the list or doing the grocery shopping, laundry, picking out school clothes, making sure homework is done, school bags packed with the right shoes for gym, gloves, erasers, cupcakes for parties, birthday RSVP’s, and more. Compound that times the number of children.

The mother is also usually the one managing time, the social life of the family, each appointment and practice, soccer, girl scouts, early dismissals for dentist or doctor appointments, ensure after school care, or stays home when the children are sick, on and on. Not even counting the endless of hours of driving.

The mother is also the emotional barometer of the family. When a child is hurt or in pain they instinctively go to the mother, her hugs and comfort can take anything away. This carries from infancy forward. She is there to answer questions, about everything, to help with the friend who is being mean at school, about a developing body, ailments, or challenges.

And yes, most husbands do “help”. And I know there are exceptions to the rule. I don’t even believe it is intentional. If asked most will take the children to a soccer practice or a doctor appointment, and also can put on a band aid. But that’s not the issue.

The mother is the epicenter in managing a home. She is the one who makes sure the children (and usually the husband too) have their vitamins and prescriptions, or inhaler, hair put up, dresses on picture day, clean jersey or cleats, or water bottles for the game.

This is the exhausting part. There is never a break. Even during sleep our minds wander and we wake up in the middle of the night, worrying, about the specialist we need to make an appointment for.

It is a full time job, on its own.

Now add work, a job outside the home. Another whole focus a woman has to put herself into, where she has to perform. Meetings, deadlines, emails, text messages. These are often done in between homework and making dinner or doing baths. And often the appointments and scheduling for the children are done at work. It is never ending. There is never a MENTAL break.

Now add a husband, also tired from working and doing his part with the family. He comes home and desires intimacy with his wife, and wants to share his day, his stresses. He wants her attention too.

Unfortunately, she has little left to give. She is exhausted.

I don’t know how to change this, I don’t have the answer, but maybe awareness will help.

Women need time, a break. Maybe just needs someone to notice, or hold her and thank her for it all…

Often, the only break a woman gets is when it is time to go to “Daddy’s” house…. And sadly, this is why divorce is on the rise. #divorce #truth #womenaretired #jodihealy @jodihealy.com

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About Jodi Healy

Mother, Author, World Traveler Philanthropist, and Blogger in the Quest for Truth, Happiness, & Enlightenment... jodihealy.com
This entry was posted in Inner Power - Change, Relationships - Love, Soul Mates - Soul Contracts and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Women are tired. That’s why divorce is on the rise.

  1. charlene tessier says:

    OH my goodness this is so true…we do so much and give but don’t give ourselves a Pat on the back for well done!

  2. Shilo wilson says:

    Perfectly put.

  3. Geneviève Jeddrie says:

    “And no, I don’t buy the excuse men and women are different, that they think differently.”

    “And we do this naturally. It is our nature to be able to multi-task, keep many unrelated things organized and planned in our heads, so life runs smoothly. You will rarely hear a mother complain about doing these things too.”

    Good day!
    My name is Geneviève and I just want to share my humble opinion. I disagree with the first quote for a couple of reasons. There is scientific evidence to back up that the male and female brains work differently. Not that this is true in all cases, but as a general rule. Now, is this due to the very core function of our brains? Is this due to how we are raised? Is it a combination of both? I believe so, but again, that’s opinion. The cycle seems to be breaking from what I can see.

    Secondly, the next quote seems to suggest that women inherently think like that whereas men do not…meaning we think diffetently.

    I can say that between my boyfriend and I, (both age 25) the cleaning is split differently depending on time of year (my busy time vs his busy time) and whereas I do the majority of the laundry because he can’t stand it…he does the majority of the dishes because I can’t stand it…meals are almost always cooked together or we just kind of naturally take turns. We’re still figuring things out as we are only about 15 months into our relationship, but I know many couples similar to us and we’re becoming more and more 50/50 every day. He was raised with a stay at home farm mom…totally different lifestyle than a Soldier girlfriend and an Agronomist boyfriend. I have had to sit down with him and explain that I need him to remember I have a job too and he has needed the initial conversation and one reminder. That’s breaking a about 20 years of nurture having mom be the stay at home parent and do everything…but she raised her kids to understand that not every home works that way so he recieved the nurture i was referencing. Perhaps I tend to surround myself with like minded individuals who view the home life as an equal split if there’s two incomes. Perhaps I am just lucky. My theory is that the cycle is breaking, but the greatest difference will be seen in those who are raised in a more house work equal environment and snowball from there. I know that should my boyfriend and I have children, it will be 50/50 because I won’t stand for anything less and so my kids will be raised with that mentality…which will likely be passed on to theirs…and so on. I believe there are more men and women out there now who aren’t quite at the having kids stage yet that share the mentality of my boyfriend, myself and my other friends…we just haven’t gotten to the stage where you can really see it yet…give it time and I think we will get there.

    Thank you for your article and for taking the time to read my response
    Take care.

  4. toocleverbyhalfs says:

    Marriage is unnatural, 3000 years of it’s imposition has made it finally crack up for the safeguard for which this “institution” was built are no longer valid : that absence has lead to the realisation of the great sham, therefore the increased rate of escape post dispelling of the socially reinforced myth.

    • Jodi Healy says:

      Marriage is a contract. Partnerships are natural, when co-creation is the goal. Too many sign the contract then aren’t interested in contributing… we should be able to change partners as we expand. It is unusual to find someone on the same path of creation as you, for an entire life…

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